|||||stairway to heaven -led zepplin||]|
The rest of me shattered into pieces of betrayal while Carbine tried frantically to hold me together. Who knows how long I cried on him. I don’t think he gave much a damn, for he knew he was all I had left.
He stay at me house ‘til supper then left regrettably. I stay in me room until Silent fell asleep without saying a word. Once Crue came and stood at the doorway and stare at me until I gave her a look of death. Then, her eyes flipped down to the black rose I held and she turned from the doorway.
The whole night I was replaying the scene with me family in the kitchen and I didn’t even know what I thought about it. Twas unlikely that we would be caught, but I understood the need to stop for the sake of others. Twas against the law and highly forbidden, but if I stopped spending me nights with Carbine I didn’t think I would survive. Either way I was doomed, but me family could be saved by one way. Yet…
Oi, forbidden obsession and black roses…twas a twisted life I led.
I left with more stealth than usual and slunk around the village until I’d found myself on top of the hill. Surprisingly, Carbine had beaten me there. Usually I’d arrive first. Me calves were sore from the walk, amazingly, so I sat down soon as I reached the top.
Carbine lowered himself to the ground next to me then said quietly, “I came early ‘cause for a little bit I didn’t think you were going to come.”
I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, so I just forced a smile and rested me chin on me knees once I’d brought them to me chest. There was silence, but not the lovely silence that there used to be. A few more minutes of it and I was sure I’d go lose me mind.
“You’ve bad news,” He stated slowly. Out of the corner of me eye I saw him turn his head away so he couldn’t see me nod.
“But,” I answered after choosing me words carefully, “let’s just enjoy the night, and I’ll tell ye the bad news at the end of it all.”
“Oi, well I s’pose that is a fine plan.”
After another moment or so, I moved to sit with him and allowed him to give me a quick kiss on the cheek.
I’d rather you torture yourself then kill them…
Oi me…I would’ve shook me head to clear the memory if I wasn’t worried about breaking the glass around the moment. Instead, I settled with clasping me right hand around his and bringing it back to cover me stomach. That’s when I noticed the silver band ‘round his middle finger on the right hand.
“What is that?” I asked, touching the ring gently. There was a moment’s pause followed by a whispered response.
“Twas me brother’s ring. I never take it off.”
“I didn’t think you had a brother.” I muttered carefully. In a secluded town where everyone knows everything about everyone else’s family history, such a thing would’ve been apparent to me.
“I don’t.” Then his voice changed in a way I couldn’t describe even if I wanted. Twasn’t so long ago when he was so shy he could barely look at me. “His name was Dout. He died of what me parent’s called Cancer. It was some four years past.” I nodded a little to show I was listening, and he continued, “Dout was me father figure I guess you’d say. Me dad and mum were always runnin out of the house for made up reasons so me and Dout did all the housework and kept it up neat. Twas almost like they deserted us repeatedly. Nonetheless, Dout and me were close, closer’n you and Silent, if you don’t mind me saying.”
“No mind. You’re only speaking truth.” And after a minute in which I waited for him to continue, I spoke again, “S’rry you had to see the ordeal earlier. Usually they’re not so terrible.”
“I know, it’s fine. To be honest I’s surprised at the Mai Cruesiphixion. I expected her to stand by ye. If you understand.”
I’d rather you torture…
“As did I,” I responded with that subjugated tone. I stopped before I said any more, for I found that I didn’t want to speak of it anymore. Twas hard enough when they’d spat the words into me face I didn’t need to go reliving it anymore’n I already had. In me head I settled on a lighter topic, of a sort. “I’ve got something kind of like your ring situation.”
“Oi? Wha’s that?”
I pulled me left arm out of the safety of me cloak and held it up so he could see me two little sets of scars on the inside of me upper arm near the elbow. Carbine pulled it gently nearer his face and read the letters aloud.
“Wha’s D.A.J. and E.D.J.?”
I took me arm back before I responded, “It means Dreifus Angellus Justice and Eginaird Dreike Justice. It’s me dad and me grandda’s initials. They’re both passed.”
“Me grandda, yes. Me dad, no really. Me mum wouldn’t tell me what happened but word around was that he had a heart attack.”
Carbine looked over at me, “But a heart attack is a natural cause.”
“I know,” I said, smiling a little just because of the common knowledge it required to be aware of that, “But it’s not the truth for me mum would’ve just told me he heart attacked if it was the case. Since she didn’t, I know twas a lie.”
He nodded slightly. Then, “You were closer to your dad then your mum?”
“Undeniably. Me mum prefers Silent, though she’s not supposed to pick favorites. Silent is…less outspoken then me or Crue. Silent tells me sometimes that it’s not that mum loves me less, twas just that I remind her of dad with me straight black hair. Got me eyes from grandda though, and me personality. He left a crater of an impact on me fore he left, as he did with dad, too.”
“But you don’t believe Silent?”
I bit me lip ‘fore I answered cause it gave me a moment to consider the question. “True…I think me sister bends her perspective for me mum. Twas why I was surprised when she spoke a word in me defense earlier-“
“But then you lashed at her.”
“Co, but twas just me anger for she never ever helps me and a sentence in me defense doesn’t make up for that.”
He went quiet after me response. I was comfortable sitting against him, the silence was even comfortable for a while. Then it became demeaning and dark, so I broke it swift as I could.
“Why didn’t you ever talk in school?”
I could feel his smile and the words he next spoke, “I still don’t talk in school.”
“Co, but why?”
Carbine took a minute with his response then settled with, “I don’t see any reason to. I sit in a room with replicas of people I despise – with the exception of you and the Ser Kash, of course – so I don’t see a motive for wasting me breath on them. Besides,” he added, “I’m fraid I might gain a temper, though it takes much, and I prefer to keep me cool on every situation I can.”
“I’ve never seen you angry.”
“Co, for I have a almost nonexistent temper. I put all me energy into me out of school pastimes.”
“And what are your ‘out of school pastimes’?” I asked, beginning to upset myself for I barely knew anything about me boy.
“I do all the housework, course, for nothings changed since Dout died. Then I read quite a decent amount, though it gets old reading the same things over and over. And I challenge me muscles a little each day ‘fore I get a bath.”
I nodded a little, then twirled me fingers into his thick black hair, “Apparently you don’t waste time on your hair.”
“Oi, you don’t like me hair?”
Quietly, I allowed myself to chuckle, “Oi, I love your hair.” At this he blushed a little, and I was pleased to know that he was still that cute and shy boy from me classes. Oi, still the one I hated for making me adore him. And in the same way that everything had changed, still nothing was different.
We were up to the goodbyes, with the goodnight kiss that made me float all the way home to me bed, before I remembered me bad news. Instead of telling him, I pressed me forehead against his strong shoulder and began to weep, again.
Oi, I hated myself for it, for I rather despised feeling weak, but I couldn’t stop me flow of tears for the life of me. He tried to calm me for quite some time before it worked.
“Wha’s the matter?” He whispered in me ear, holding me close to him. I shook me head a little.
“I don’t want to say.”
After another few minutes of standing he spoke again, “We can’t stand for too long for I fear being seen.”
“Then can we just…sit here for a little while longer? Then I’ll tell you what the bad news is.” I asked with pathetic hope.
“I have a feeling I know what your bad news is…but we can surely stay a little longer. And if you sleep, I’ll wake you ‘fore the elders wake and we should have enough time to get home and get a little sleep ‘fore school.” He whispered again. I nodded.
Soon we were laying on the ground, me curled up in his arms. And we kissed. And…
Carbine held me close when I finally dozed. It seemed only a few blinks of time ‘fore he woke me with a push on me shoulder. One look to his eyes told me that I’d overslept. When I shot a glance toward the town I saw a few flecks of light. The elders were awake, which meant we were utterly doomed.
“There’s not quite a sun yet,” He said urgently, “So we have an advantage. We need to slide down the hill and run fast as we can to the houses. I’ll have to separate your company soon as we hit the bottom, so will you be able to sneak to your house?”
I nodded jerkily, me feelings in a bunch and kicked around in me brain a few times. “Are you going to make it to your place?”
“Of course. Though I’m tall, me dark clothes keep me concealed in shadows. That, and if I were caught I could stick up for myself better than you could.”
Not knowing what else to do, I nodded again, getting into a crouch position.
“It’s very important you be quiet.” He began. Oi, what if we were caught? Oi, me family, his family, they would both be done. Not to mention the two of us.
“Good. Are you ready?” Carbine turned to me as he said this. So I replied with a yes then gave him a kiss. He didn’t even have time to blush this time. But he did ask, “What was the bad news?”